Layout: vehemency
Saturday, October 25, 2008, 11:27 AM
There's just too much that time cannot eraseI wished someone was just there to replace me. Looks like from the outside there's so many people standing there always for you, but you don't know. Actually inside out its just me alone, again facing this mentally. No one can help me even if they would, round and round it just still comes back to me, no matter what.
the scene yesterday totally rake me back into the past. The pills and penknife and everything starts travelling back in time again in my head. I'm so scared, after so many days of terrifying moments, I tried to call for someone but no one could be there at that right moment and tell me everything's gonna be alright. I'm screaming inside my heart, I wanna cry out loud but I don't dare to. Its just like everyone's looking at what you're gonna do next, and I just can't do anything
then I cried again through this sleepless nights. I don't even dare to catch some sleep. I'm afraid to look at the phone each time the vibration comes. I don't dare, I'm so scare, but no one was there. I keep telling myself everything's gonna be alright, just stay strong no matter what. I am doing so, I'm doing so, I'm staying so very strong already, but why, why none of this seems to have a ending. how I wished this was just a nightmare, then by waking up means end of everything
nobody will understand how this feels inside now