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Friday, November 14, 2008, 10:26 AM
A picture of us will never workYou never learn your lessons don't you, guess I was never wrong about you. After one whole big round things never seems to change, you still think of yourself afterall
I was wrong Mirul. I thought all along what you need was me. I thought after so much happenings I could still change you, change you for the better, make you understand what life's really about and learn to treasure everything. I thought I could teach you how to love, how to love someone with all of the heart. Believeing I was the source but ending up, I know I'm not. No matter how much I've done for you, you never seems to appreciate well enough. You jolly know well enough what I mean, after so much I've been through together with you. Don't ever talk about love anymore because I think you seriously don't deserve too. I thought you already changed for the better, thought that I could give you a second chance, but you let me down again and again. You never knew what love's about, do you? Love, is about loving the party, not letting her get hurt, not disappointing her, when you're doing things, she's the first one that comes to your mind. You do things to make her smile, you do things to make her proud, you make her feel like she's the only one, made her feel like she's really the chosen one
Trying to comfort myself that maybe its the first time for you. I know we're in two different worlds because each time I fall in love, I give my everything in for my love. But despite that trying so much to tell myself, this silly reason isn't gonna help me hide away my unhappiness
I don't think you could do that well enough. Because in your life, I'm never the first. I always thought I am, foolishly believeing your words, but your actions, whatever you said, you stepped on my pride so many times over and over again. Now then I realised, it will never be the same anymore. Even how much We've been through together, how much you put me through, I know your love to me is not gonna assure me anymore, not like the last previous times. Because I feel nothing to you, anymore, and to me, you're just another man who broke my heart.
So stop sending all those msges to me, it holds no meaning to me now. Always making yourself look like the victim, have you ever regret those things you did to me? Did you ever thank me? No, still they're the ones, never me. Asking myself why, why should I always help and defend you? Why should I still want to give you a chance after so much that happened? Haven't you really ask yourself why? I admit I feel terrible now because I can't help it but break down, but within my vision I don't see you anymore. Maybe this is the best way, I'm worn out, torn apart, everything
I feel myself drifting away from the world, I feel like nobody's gonna bother me anymore. I feel like breaking down all over again but no one's there. Ask yourself truthfully, do you feel worst than me? Because you placed yourself first on the list, you never realised that others was going through even more
I know you're gonna read or chance upon this someway, somehow. Still I wished you the best, but I've got nothing much to say anymore. Because I've given all my hopes I put on you up. I finally know that I'm never meant to love you, even so much that I tried and I cried, I know everytime its just me and me and still me on my own accord.
I swear yesterday night's the worst one ever. I can't help it but see my vision blur. Reaching a point where I don't even know what I'm feeling, just letting emotions take control of everything.
If you did you would have ask the others how much I loved you, how high hopes I placed on you, how much I never want to give up on you, how much I still wanted to trust you, how much I yearn to give you a second chance even if others don't, but ask yourself, how much have you let me down, how much did you did it all for me, how deep did you hurt me down
I know I can give the all of me
but I know you can never do the same for me